Why isn't bullying reported and What happens when it is

Why It Isn’t Reported

In the case of peer aggression, the one causing the harm is a young person. Peer aggression is more difficult to dissect and decipher than adult-to-child abuse. It becomes almost impossible to hold any one person directly responsible unless witnesses come forward. Willing witnesses are rare. Studies show that one of the reasons youth don't report aggression is because they don't know who to go to or how to do it.

Often, young people don't believe that anything can be done and --the greater possibility, is that-- they are afraid of reprisal (see, Bonds, 2000; High, 2002; Minnesota Attorney General's Office, 2000; NEA, 2002; and Stop Bullying: Guidelines For Schools, 2002).

What Happens When It is?

Many young people stop seeking adult support when they have failed to successfully fight back (Simmons, 2001). When parents or students stop reporting the problem, authorities gratefully believe that the problem must have resolved itself! Rarely will they pursue or follow up on the situation.

When parents report that their child is being bullied, they often are placed in a position of defending the seriousness and validity of the situation. They are asked for details about dates, times, names, places, witnesses, what really happened, outcomes, etc. They may need to defend the behavior of their child especially if the school has a policy of zero tolerance.

Even with documented details, parents may find that the situation comes down to the bully's word against yours.

Schools often offer no plan, for future protection or intervention for the child, and no consequences for the bully. This includes the obvious and simple action of paying closer attention to what is happening with the involved parties during school hours.

It may be insinuated that victims have somehow "asked" for it or somehow deserve it because they are different (fat, ugly, loud, socially inept, etc).

Parents may deal with feelings of shame that there is something so horrible about their child that the child has become a vicitm; guilt that they can not fix the problem or give the right advise to "undo" the problem; struggle with depression and hopelessness because it seems that there is no way out of the situation; and frustration because those who are supposed to know how to fix it, can't, won't, or don't believe it.